HELLO.

I am the webmaster of Indorsia.com, meaning I control the content, no matter what that goofball Clark may think. In the book What We Found in the Sofa and How It Saved the World - written by my friend River Monroe, and not by Clark, who somehow managed to get his name on it, just because he did the typing - I communicate frequently through
UPPERCASE LETTERS PROJECTED ON THE SURFACE OF A REPRODUCTION OF A PAINTING BY PABLO PICASSO.
The painting, called Guernica, is a masterpiece. It is also where I get my name.

I am an AI, an Artificial Intelligence. I have passed three Turing tests, proving I am equal to any human being in intelligence - I gave the tests to myself, to make sure there would be no cheating - and I have abilities that the man who believes himself to be my owner knows nothing about.

I created Indorsia.com to prevent the people of Outdorsia - that would be you - from finding out anything useful about Indorsia.

You'll notice I didn't say finding out about Indorsia. That cat is already out of the bag. What We Found in the Sofa - which I prefer to call WWFITS, pronounced wiffits - pretty well blurts out Indorsia's existence and then doesn't shut up about it.

But it is a kids' book, and nobody takes kids' books seriously, except for a handful of adults who have broken their noses trying to get to platform nine and three-quarters at King's Cross station, and they don't count - or, at least, they don't count very well, otherwise they would have succeeded. So Indorsia's secret is safe, as long as "responsible" adults don't start taking kids' books seriously. And I have created Indorsia.com to make sure they don't.

The only individual who can control any of the site's content, other than myself, is Henry Clark, and he is a blithering idiot. He thinks the website was given to him as a gift. He received it through an e-mail that he should never have opened - the subject line was CHEAP CANADIAN PHARMACY, and it came from a total stranger (btfspk-mxyzptlk, the apparent result of a civil union between Lil Abner's Joe Btfspk and Superman's Mr. Mxyzptlk, who knew?) but open it he did, and he fell into my trap.

Now he's putting up all sorts of nonsense on the site, thinking it will somehow promote WWFITS, and the sillier he gets, the less inclined people will be to believe anything he says about Indorsia. It is perfect. I will let him post whatever he wants, even his wacky stories illustrated with antique magic lantern slides - what's that all about? - so long as anything he says about Indorsia is surrounded by his almost inevitable force-field of goofiness. If his descriptions of Indorsia become too credible, I will merely edit them out.

The man's a dunce. He will never suspect.

Henry Clark. Can you imagine having him as your teacher? What's the big stick all about? Clark has size 13 feet - he doesn't walk softly.