Henry Clark, author of What We Found in the Sofa, prepares to time-travel to 1876 to consult with famed children's book author Laura Ingalls Wilder.

THE TIME TRAVEL THING

On August 14, 2013, Henry Clark packed a suitcase with nineteenth-century clothing, two peanut butter sandwiches and his asthma inhaler and stepped into a Type 40 capsule with a fully functioning chameleon circuit - this particular Type 40 was disguised as a privy - and traveled through time and relative dimensions in space to Walnut Grove, Minnesota, circa 1876, in search of Laura Ingalls. 

Clark, preparing to write The Book that Proves Time Travel Happens, hoped to talk to Ingalls, the author of the beloved Little House books, about what makes a book an enduring family classic.

Here, told with digitally reproduced tintypes, is the result of his quest.

The Type 40 time-travel device used by Clark in his journey. Defying expectations, it is smaller on the inside than the outside, "but at least," says Clark, "there's a place to sit."

Upon arriving in Walnut Grove, Clark discovers the entire Ingalls family is away for two weeks visiting Anne of Green Gables. To pass the time, he takes a room in a boarding house and finds work as a grave-digger.

Due to yet another failure of Walnut Grove's citrus crop - for the tenth year in a row - scurvy is rampant, and work for a grave-digger is ample. Clark considers suggesting the locals try growing something other than oranges - possibly walnuts - but then realizes this would be bad for business.

Clark sizes up a customer, making sure he doesn't wind up digging a longer ditch than he has to. He is unaware of 19th-century etiquette, which states the grave-digger's hat should never be casually tossed on the coffin in the presence of the widow.

One night, as he sleeps, Clark is visited by three spirits - of the Past, Present, and Future - who teach him the true meaning of Election Day.

"It really IS humbug!" declares Clark from his bedroom window. "But it's the only system we've got, and WE CAN MAKE IT WORK!"

Clark immediately begins campaigning for the candidate of his choice...

...but is quickly informed that, this being 1876, Stephen Douglas has been dead for fifteen years. Clark has touched up the black dye in his beard for nothing.

Visiting a local farm, Clark attempts to break a horse of the smoking habit. "Smoking will stunt your growth!" argues Clark, snatching the cigar from the horse's mouth. But it is too late...

At last, the Ingalls return! 

Clark is greeted at the door by Laura's mother...

"This is 1876,
you time-traveling nincompoop!" shouts Mrs. Ingalls. "Laura is only nine years old! She hasn't written any books yet! Why don't you go bother Louisa May Alcott! She's written a bunch!"

Clark travels to Boston, Massachusetts, to consult with Louisa May Alcott, author of Little Women, Little Men and Jo's Boys, about what makes an enduring family classic. Alcott herself greets him at the door...

               "Slapstick and sight-gags!" shouts Louisa May,
in answer to Clark's question. "That's what makes for enduring family classics! Make sure any book you write has plenty of both, and don't underestimate the power of truly atrocious puns! Now get back in your privy and return to whatever black hole it is you came from! I have to get back to writing gothic thrillers under a pseudonym!"

And so, Henry Clark returned to the twenty-first century and began writing The Book that Proves Time Travel Happens, working hard to include slapstick, sight gags, and some truly atrocious puns.

THE END.